Today was the actual last time I think we dated, or even talked to each other. Because what we once had, is no more. I highly doubt you'll ever open this website ever again in your life. But I don't mind putting and pouring my heart out here. When you and I met, I was in the deepest and darkest places mentally. I genuinely couldn't bear doing anything in life. I didn't go to school because I was too sad, and on top of not going I was the class weirdo and failing my classes. I genuinely never really went anymore and all I did was sit outside, listen to music and just hope for the day to be over.
When I met you you were someone that I enjoyed talking to. You made me feel something I hadn't felt in years really. The first time I felt like I started feeling in love, rather than just enjoying your presence, was the time I was in the garden, listening to you with my airpods in, while it was so hot. My parents kept bugging me about going and sitting with them. I sat down and I listened to your voice, and you said all kinds of funny things, and they made me smile and happy. In that moment I really started having alot of feelings for you, so suddenly I felt that spark, that spark we later on lost.
Another day that was special to me, before we were dating, was 28 May, and I will always bring up this day, this was the day I walked in the scorching heat, for 3 whole hours, and those 3 whole hours you talked to me, and I to you. You were laughing and giggling about the goat, we said I love you, and everything made sense in that moment. Everything was right to me. My feet hurt so much but I genuinely didn't care because all I did was talk to you.
I can dream that entire day in my head, each step I took, each second, minute, and hours that passed in that VM. I can dream them, so vividly. I remember the exact moment you showed me your goat, the exact moment we said I love you, the exact moment you asked me if I want to watch a movie. I remember all the details of that walk, and I think of it sometimes. I relive that entire day because it was so beautiful and special to me.
The love I felt in that moment was in no words explain able. In that moment I really felt saved from all the bad thoughts and feelings I had before that point, and slowly as I started dating you I started getting less, and less sad. I enjoyed living way more by having you around.
A song I listened to back then was "I Love You" by Fontaines D.C. it was the first song that I tied to you. The first song that made me think of you. I listened to it quite often, as that song was how I felt about you. It was pretty funny, considering they're from Dublin aswell. It really felt like an even more special song to me. Everytime I listen to it, or hear it anywhere, it reminds me of you.
Now not everything was rainbows and sunshine. In the beginning, as good as I felt, I was too insecure to love you full on out. It caused us to argue over things that I now think about, and really regret arguing about. They should have been normal conversations, not arguing. I think that was my biggest mistake. It made you distance from that pure love we had.
And when I was ready to love you all out, you weren't in the same position as me anymore. I'm obviously not saying that every argument was invalid, as they're normal to have, but quite few were so useless and could have been prevented by talking to you normally.
Anyhow, somethings I really loved hearing you say is: "I love you", or in messages "mon coeur", "bissou". When I heard these things I felt special as they were words I had never heard of. I loved calling you my princess. I loved that you were mine and I could call you mine.
A song that I would listen to everytime we were apart is: "delikanlım" by Yildiz Tebe. I think I will always feel what she says in this song for you. If you're curious just look up the lyrics. But this is how I will always feel for you.
Thank you for taking care of me Meri. Thank you for being there for me. Thank you for taking me out of a bad place. I'm glad our paths crossed; but yet saddened our paths had to seperate, especially like this.
So I say one last time:
I heart promise to love you for ever and ever.
In this life and the next, and a billion after.
I love you,
Be safe,
Take care of yourself,
Make the right choices,
I love you, my princess.
x Zura
(ps if u read this please tell me if u want :)) id like to know, also id u want me to remove everything of this site just ask ill do it right away.)